Survival Is not the Same as Winning: Breaking the Athlete’s Pattern of Running

I remember it vividly. 

Early in my junior year of high school, right in the middle of my athletic grind—I got into a physical and verbal altercation with my father. After it happened, I left home and went searching for a way to call my coach. I found a phone booth. He picked me up. 

He took me to stay with someone I knew—my typing teacher, who also coached the JV basketball team. I slept on his couch for a couple of days. 

Eventually, I needed to go back home for some clothes. 

When we pulled up, my father was working on a car in the garage. As we arrived, I saw the neighbor riding on a bike—wearing one of my shirts. 

When I tried to go inside, my father stopped me. 

“What are you doing here?” he said. 

“Get away from here. There’s nothing here for you.” 

“I just came to get my clothes,” I said. 

“There’s nothing here for you.” 

I walked in through the sliding door by the kitchen and saw the truth: 

My space was empty. 

No pants. No shirts. No shoes. 

Everything was gone. 

I was told it had all been donated. 

And it was clear the kid next door had already picked through it. 

I was devastated. But I did not cry. 

I shut it down. 

Emotionally, mentally, physically, I ran. 

And for years after, that became my pattern. 

Not just in life, but as an athlete. 

If things got too hard, too emotional, too uncertain—I left. 

Switched teams. Checked out mentally. 

I stayed in survival mode. 

And on the court, that can look like overcompensating, not trusting teammates, isolating, or chasing wins just to feel worthy. 

But here is what I have learned: 

Survival mode does not help you win—on or off the court. 

It keeps you guarded, limited, and disconnected. 

Today, I know how to stay, how to communicate, and how to express emotion in ways that make me stronger—not weaker. 

Because real growth as an athlete is not just about performance. 

It’s about healing the parts of you that compete out of pain. 

Pay attention to your patterns. 

The way you’ve survived might be blocking the way you want to live—and lead. 

~ Coach Delmont